A Complex...?

Easter... ahhh... How every holiday used to be such a momentous occasion. It is still fun, but it seems like the pizazz has left. The blissful days of childhood are lost forever, but no use crying over spilt milk. I think I have a problem. I enjoy driving and I loathe it all at the same time. I will set out telling myself each time that this time will be different. I will relax and listen to some mood music and enjoy the ride. I can collect my thoughts best when I am behind the wheel, but I never want cars to pass me. I feel like everyone on the road that passes me needs to be run off the road. As if they are all being huge assholes and deserve to be side-swiped. I get antsy and bothered when someone gets in front of me. So then, I shrug it off because I know it is not something that should bother me at all and I keep driving. Usually at night the lights of the cars behind me bother my eyes immensely, so I end up pulling my mirrors down to a non-reflective state.

Today was an enjoyable ride on the road. Very few other cars, which helps me collect myself and feel like I am alone. The busy roads of the city are stressful, especially when semi trucks are abundant. Their slow moving vehicles are abhorrent and dissuasive to me and my calm. Needless to say, I cannot stand driving at 5pm during the week as I wish I had a rocket propelled grenade launcher on the roof of my car with a fire button next to the shifter. We all need help in some way or another, but what I have is not a condition. I have complete control over my actions, but I am still unable to do the things I would like to do because I lack the motivation to do so. I do put others first, but to no avail. Being emotionally devoid is not a choice, but rather an escape mechanism. I do not have to feel bad, however I would like to feel good sometimes, but I digress.

Anyway, check out Nine Inch Nails - Ghost. Excellent stuff, Trent. You have redeemed yourself.